That cigar just casually hanging out of Shawzy’s mouth…..
Gentlemen, please explain.
Bick’s wedding in Ottawa this summer. Crow and Shaw were groomsmen.
For some reason, I feel that this is some kind of mafia bodyguard AU. Mostly I blame Shawzy’s sunglasses and cigar combo, plus the matching powder-grey suits.
K and I are currently debating over who the mob boss is. I said Tazer, but she’s putting forward a convincing argument re Kaner the disappointing eldest son of an old crime family, who should be taking over the business but all he wants to do is skate.
#he’d be terrible at it lbr#he’d cry the frist time he had to put a lean on an old ladies house #and like#pay off her mortgage #and let her talk to him about her 87 cats#while she feeds him tea and homemade sponge cake#RCMP Officer Toews thinks Seabrook is fucking with him#how the hell is this kid the heir to a crime syndicate? (via thingsandstuffandstuffandthings)
#and here is k DECISIVELY WINNING THE ARGUMENT # because of course seabs was tazer’s mentor as a rookie #his temporary partner while officer keith was recovering from injuries sustained in an improbably heroic undercover stint #he’s back now naturally #and officer toews is partnered with his own rookie # the admirably focussed officer saad # (who is in the rcmp for reasons shhhh what do you mean he’s american?)# tazer and seabs are still close though #close enough that seabs is willing to tell him the rumours about the american crime family that’s supposedly moving into town (ninjaboots)
#well clearly Saader is some kind of FBI (CIA? idek) rookie!#who was leant to the mounties #because Americans #and jurisdiction #and shit#WHATEVER #the point is #tazers life is terrible#because this kane kid is super boring#and there is only so much COD he can watch him play gdi #but then#he starts sneaking out #when his family is gone#then lying to his mom and telling her he was in all day#FINALLY SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS #so tazer follows him#with his I AM A VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS POLICE OFFICER face on #but alas#Kaner is just sneaking out to play hockey#and of course because he is the worst fucking mobster in the world#he dosnt just play hockey #he coaches a peewee league#for disadvantaged children #that he secretly funds with the family money#of fucking course he does (via thingsandstuffandstuffandthings)
#(possibly this is getting slightly out of hand) #(dear followers: I’M SORRY BUT I CAN’T STOP) #kaner would protest that he doesn’t FUND them of course# it was just the one time #when their sponsorship paperwork got held up #and well #what he was he going to do? #it was an ANONYMOUS DONATION ONCE# and naturally officer toews is a good canadian boy #he played hockey growing up #though even looking back after the fact # he’s not quite sure how being caught skulking around the back of the rink# turned into offering to help coach #conveniently without mentioning what he does as a day job #jfc #could this investigation get any more fucking complicated? (ninjaboots)
#(possibly? this was out of hand 30 tags ago)#of course it can get more complicated #what the fuck are you doing tazer?#and once seabs is done laughing at your life choices#he’s going to beat some sense in to you#YOU CAN NOT COACH MINOR LEAGUES WITH YOUR ASSIGNMENT WHAT THE FUCK EVEN TOEWS#Sakic is going to kill you #Duncs is more pragmatic about it#He feels Jonny could use it to his advantage#As long as he doesn’t get emotionally invested of course #Jonny wrinkles his nose#of course not #that would be unprofessional #and dangerous #and stupid#besides #the kid is annoying as fuck anyways #and totally harmless#(well when he’s not on the ice) #(not even jonny can deny the kid has hands)#(whatever) #(he’ll be fine) (via thingsandstuffandstuffandthings)
ALL I HAVE IN MY HEAD IS SHAWZY BEING THE ACTUAL WORST
LIKE he’s employed to follow Kaner around, ostensibly to learn the business, but really because Kaner’s dad isn’t ACTUALLY stupid, he totally knows his son is sneaking out, he definitely knows where, but like. They are a mob family, this behavior is unbecoming, he doesn’t mind TOO much, he just doesn’t like it to happen so often, especially when that new assistant coach comes into the picture.
So he hires Shawzy to follow Kaner around as much as possible and tail him when he disappears, even though Shawzy is the WORST at stealth, but he’s pretty awesome at fighting, so he basically ends up being Kaner’s bodyguard at the rink. (Kids are vicious, okay. Bollig can bite him, it’s not about finding opponents his own size. Just because Brandon’s Kaner’s official bodyguard, christ.)