THE SECRET STORY NO ONE TELLS:
once upon a time, there was a man named tony stark. he lived a very exciting life full of caves and boxes of scraps and daddy issues! one day, he woke up in a strange bed. “this is not my beautiful house,” he said. “this is not my beautiful wife!”
“robert,” said everybody, “tony stark is a character you play in the movies.”
“oh,” said tony stark. “do i have to stop acting like him?”
“no,” said everybody.
“am i still rich?” said tony stark.
“yes,” said everybody.
“and my name is…” said tony stark.
“robert downey junior,” said everybody.
“well, alright,” said tony stark, “stranger things have happened to me, i guess. can somebody make me a smoothie?”